The Chosen Path
Posted on Friday, December 7, 2007 at 11:48 AM in MyMe
Less stressful, definitely; no boring moments, and interestingly demanding.
That would correctly describe my current at-home life.
It's been about 3 months since I resigned from my job at that multinational company to become a stay-at-home Ibu.
So what has happened since then? Meh sini saya cerita...
Firstly, a brief background... I was working fulltime for a multinational/IT company doing server support and project management. Last September (my 10th year working there, after 5 bosses and the outsourcing), I decided to quit and stay home. Why? Many reasons, actually.
But the main reason was (and still is) because my daughter will be attending Primary One next year. Without a helper (we chose never to have one), and non-flexible working hours which included weekends and public holidays, I didn't know how I'd manage. I thought that I, too, could be a supermom, like some of my friends are, but I couldn't... what was I trying to prove?
Aidiin drew Thomas the Tank Engine
My husband and I have had lengthy discussions about the matter for some time. Deep down, I knew I didn't want to be stuck with that job forever. And finding a different (full-time) job, although it may pay much more, would still land me in the same dilemma. Serba salah makcik dibuatnya. Pening kepala toksah cakaplah.
I prayed and prayed, asking Allah for guidance. And come last September, I found/was given a petunjuk, the urge to quit and stay home had never been stronger. It just felt right and seemed the best thing to do.
A decision was made, and I have been a stay-at-home-mommy since then, and I'd like to think, a goddess-in-the-making, too. *grin*
You see, I do not have the luxury to be a full-time goddess. I still have loans to pay apart from my credit card bills. Before I decided to quit, I used to have plastic urges all the time. Nak buku yang ni, swipe. Nak buku lagi satu, swipe lagi. Teringin jubah tu, swipe. Jumpa tudung yang matching, swipe. Terasa nak beli toys and clothes for the kids or something for the husband, swipe. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Plastic urges, they all were. *hangs head in shame*
And (fortunately?) I am not married to a super-kaya man. But personally, even if he could afford it, I don't think I'd be asking him for money, especially to pay MY bills. It just wouldn't be fair. And plus I have a big ego. heh heh.
Also, I think he'd mentioned this to me before, "Lubang yang sendiri korek, sendiri kambus balik". Sungguh profound statement itu.
I still often get my cravings, although they have become more under-controlled and manageable nowadays. Instead of 5, maybe I'd buy just 2, or even 1. Sometimes just spending some time at the store (without buying anything, mind you) would suffice. Orang yang 'ketagih' macam ni pun ada kat dunia ini, kan? hee hee hee.
Anyways, as mentioned earlier, I am not financially free, so the 'ideal goddess life' is out of the question (for now). Therefore, I resorted to the next best thing, to become a work-at-home-mommy. A goddess who works freelance, whenever she can find the time. This is in addition to the existing event management company that I co-own with Elisa, by the way. I need the freelance job for a predictable income, as opposed to the events thingy which only happens once in a while.
Under the sea
So far, things are working out, not too bad at all. I still make some money to pay my debts, and more importantly, I get to work from the comfort of my own home. But it still requires a certain amount of disciplining, a quite strict time-management and a juggling of work-work and house-work at the same time. I am still struggling with all that, a bit lah.
Initially, I felt slightly terkilan, financial-wise, because now, I have a very ciput income, with no such things as medical-benefits, no year-end bonuses. Which translates to no buying on impulse, no unplanned shopping or cravings. Give in to temptations? Definite no-no.
But that's okay. Seriously. Because now I've learned (the hard way?) the value of money. The necessity of managing time carefully. The importance of making the right choices, depending on situation and time. Spend long hours blogging or do extra freelance work? Hmmmm....
And Alhamdulillah, so far:
- I get to ensure famyBoy and famyKids get to eat home-cooked meals as often as possible, albeit taklah sesedap mana.
- I attempt to perform solat pada awal waktu as opposed to rushing to perform '2-in-1 zuhur & terus tunggu asar' masa kat surau office dulu. Constantly reminding myself about one of Ondeonde's older posts about the benefits of reciting ayat-ayat Quran walaupun sikit-sikit setiap hari (OO, if you could provide the link to that post that would be great!), I try my best to regularly read the Quran after performing solat.
- I get excited about experimenting with new recipes and thinking about home deco and practicing 'good things' homekeeping techniques. This is the penangan from watching way too many Martha shows!!
- I don't have to worry about applying for emergency leave like that time or that other time, nor do I have to deal with the guilt of having to delegate work to colleagues whenever I am away from office, for whatever reasons. Alhamdulillah, so far the kids tak sakit demam yang major-major since the past 3 months!
- I am very much up-to-date in keeping up with laundry :) except when we come back from long distance trips or when it's cloudy or rainy for days.
- I think I multi-task better nowadays, too. I think, lah.
- Apart from famyBoy and famyKids, famyCats and famyPlants get more attention from me. Sebab now can multi-task better maaa...
Pokok kari pun ada flowers, eh?
I feel blessed. Seriously I do. Alhamdulillah.
But if you ask me, I still have a looooong way to go. Not easy to become established goddesses like Madame Elisa@Khobar and Madame Lollies@Qtar. Izinkan saya tabik spring kepada mereka berdua.
Kesimpulannya, I am still learning to manage the time, handle the stress and fulfill the demands. And the best part is, I couldn't be happier. :)
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